By Steven Dobinson

By Steven Dobinson

I‘ve lived in and around Elephant and Castle for the past 3 years as a student at LSBU, and I’ve seen many things in that time. Some have been amusing, most have been harrowing, but here I’ve compiled a list of my favourites in a vague order.

5) I think the first entry has to be the obligatory drunken antics of friends. I don’t think they’re alcoholics, I think they restrict themselves to only drinking excessively at hootenannies, it’s just that every day is a hootenanny. Worth a mention are: the time someone got drunk, spilled drink all down himself, went to buy new trousers and ended up stripping at the till in Peacocks; the time my housemate got drunk and lay on the floor doing the backstroke; and the time I left my housemate at 3am talking to a kebab, and didn’t see him for 48 hours…

4) On my first day of university, I’d seen a pigeon smoking a cigarette, and assumed that this would be my only pigeon-related anecdote of my student life. I was very, very wrong. Leaving the estate I lived on during my second year, I saw a dead pigeon on the ground. That, in itself, would not be worthy of this list, if it hadn’t been for the seagull that was tucking into its guts. It wasn’t even an isolated incident, as only two days later I saw the same thing happening near Kennington Station. Seagulls are vicious little bastards…

3) During one of my first ventures into Elephant & Castle shopping centre, I popped into the 99p shop, one of the most depressing places you ever did see. I’ve seen people shoplifting, fighting, and haggling, but my favourite thing I’ve seen in there was a little girl, about 5 years old, and her dad. She’d grown bored of standing in a huge queue (because they only ever open one till) and wandered off. Her parting words to her dad: “Stand there in that fucking queue while I go and look at the sweets!” Brilliant…

2) I don’t mind admitting I’m partial to venturing into Charity Shops, and the Walworth Road has several of them. The weirdest thing I found in there was a home-made voodoo doll, that was clearly supposed to resemble Russell Brand c.2006. It mostly does, to the point that you know instantly who it is, but I don’t remember Rusty having such a deranged look in his eyes. Close, but not quite…

Rusty Voodoo

1) A human ear. An actual, literal, human fucking ear. On East Street, just after their daily market had closed up, I’d been walking home and spotted a small piece of meat on the floor. Initially, after determining it was an ear, I’d assumed it to be that of a pig. However, after those few glorious seconds, I had a horrific realisation. Pig ears definitely didn’t look like that, and there was only one animal that it could possibly belong to…

So there it is, my student life experiences reduced to an ‘I-spy’ of 500 words. It was fun; I laughed, I cried, I rocked back and forth. But now it’s all over. BYE!